I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
