when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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