Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
