I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
