When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
