Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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