I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
