sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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