the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
