I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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