strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
