i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
