Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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