I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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