rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
