You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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