you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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