in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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