We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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