So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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