M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
sarcasm needs its own font
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
