i permit you to call me
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
