The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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