I want to make a zoo with you.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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