Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So here I am, sexting at work.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
