I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
