They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
