I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Text me some of your sweat
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