You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
