It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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