what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
