Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
What a dumb baby whore.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
