anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
and you fell through a lawn chair
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
