apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
