new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
