My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
