I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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