Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
