I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
