I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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