Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
