I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
