my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
