would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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