She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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