I'm sorry my penis didn't work
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
