Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
