He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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