If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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