i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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