I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
