this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
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And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
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My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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