So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
