Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
