I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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