We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
