It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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