can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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