apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
