last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
