an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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