I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
P.S. I can't hear my feet
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
