I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
