so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
