Can i not drive my cunt home
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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