There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
being pregnant is like rehab
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
