it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
