we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
