remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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