we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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