I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
my being single is dangerous.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
